"Sometimes it feels like I’m not a part of anything. There are so many people here, you’d think that I’d be able to make friends with one of them. But it always seems like everyone has got their own thing going on, or their own group of friends that they hang out with. Most weekends I just take a long walk, or go to a restaurant by myself. I’ve done some neat things alone, and I’m glad that I did those things, but I’m really getting to the point where I’d also like to experience things with other people. Everybody tells me: ‘You should do this,’ or ‘You should do that.’ But nobody says ‘Let’s do this,’ or ‘Let’s do that.’"
That was so profound, to me. Most days, it doesn't bother me that I don't have any friends that I hang out with. However, there are days like yesterday when I had the day off from work and the kids were in school and daycare, and I had no idea what to do with my free time. I desperately wanted someone to call and say "Hey, let's get ice cream!" or "Wanna catch a movie?" and there was no one.
How do you meet people? I'd feel like a complete idiot approaching a group of women at the playground and asking them if I could be their friend. I can't exactly walk into a restaurant and invite myself to sit with people who look fun. The cops would probably be called if I decided to start jogging next to the chick at the park because I want someone to run with. I struggle daily with loneliness. Yes, my husband makes a wonderful best friend, when he's not working. I'm missing a girlfriend in my life. Someone I can call to whine to about work... Someone I can giggle with, check out cute guys with, complain about our husbands with... Someone who gets me, and someone who I get.
I didn't realize that finding a friend was as simple as asking the question. It's something we're all afraid to do, though, it seems. What if that group of mothers at the park laughs at me and continues with their conversation like I'm not standing there, desperately seeking their approval and acceptance? What if the jogging chick at the park elbows me in the face and leaves me behind, plugging a bloody nose? What if I reach out to someone, and I'm rejected? That fear of rejection overpowers any courage I have to simply ask someone if they want to be friends.
However, the other night, I was sitting here playing games on Facebook when my messenger popped up. Someone that I work with had sent me a message. We talk when we see one another, and she's a REALLY sweet person! I was almost certain she was messaging me to ask about something work related... however, she asked if Nico and I ever went out, socially. She assumed that we did, but she was wrong :) Nico and I go out, but it's usually to dinner and on rare occasions, a movie. We're not into the nightclub scene.... never really enjoyed watching live music shows. Never went to bars or dance clubs. The truth is, we're perfectly happy in a small, social setting where we can hear one another talk and we don't come home smelling like cigarette smoke at the end of the night.
So after I told her that we didn't really go out, I asked why? She said "just because I like you and think you're fun... we haven't made many friends since we moved here and thought maybe it would be fun to go out."
I was over the moon happy that someone had asked me to be their friend. It's so rare... in fact, I thought the gesture was extinct. In those few simple words, she showed me just how simple it was to reach out to someone. She's so loud and seemingly happy that I never in a MILLION years would have thought that she had that same fear of rejection... but in all reality - what is the worst that anyone could say if you reach out to them? "No?" Worst case scenario - you're still alone after trying.... Best case? You've made a friend.
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