I have denied my Father. That is my confession. I was blind,
but now I see. . .
I have confessed that I throw wild pity parties and scream
and cry while driving alone in my car because people have nothing but excuses
for why they don’t want to hang out or do things with me. I feel abandoned. I
feel alone and lonely.
Tonight, I took a drive to connect with Him. I often go with
the intent, and end up sidetracked with thoughts and can’t focus… but tonight I
gave Him all the glory. Tonight I thanked him for getting me home safely from
Dallas. Tonight I thanked Him for the opportunity with this new career…. Like winning
the lottery with the flight benefits and travel opportunities and the doors
that it will open for me and my family. Connecting us to life, and actually
living it!
It was in this conversation with my Father that a window was
opened wide. He shared a gorgeous sunset with me as He helped me see that all
those times I felt abandoned by friends, I never looked at Him and realized
that He was with me. All the times I walked the dogs while muttering under my
breath that no one ever goes with me and I’d love to have conversations with
someone…. I could have easily talked to Him, instead. All the drives with no
one in the passenger seat, He was there.
I apologized profusely for the heartbreak He endured,
watching His child suffer for the time it took her to realize all of this. I
apologized for abandoning Him and denying Him… for my selfishness… My soul took
a deep breath tonight and I felt for once that He had filled my lungs,
completely. A wave washed over me, it felt like. I told Him I was human, only
human…
I forgot how good it felt to latch onto that connection with
Him and focus and have a good conversation and actually hear Him when He
speaks. I do hope that I can focus myself and spend more time with Him. My
Father. My God.
