Finding Myself...

Friday marked the end of my first week at work. My new job, as an administrative assistant for the training department of one of the biggest oilfield companies in the world.

     -backing up... I can say that I DO NOT consider my 3 month stint as a receptionist at an animal hospital as a "real job." It was a breath in time... it was a short-lived purpose. It was so short that I refuse to put it on my resume.-

This new job is huge to me. It's what I've been searching for. It's what I envisioned when I was planning to leave the military. A job that paid well, provided benefits, and gave me the sense of power and purpose that I'd spent 12 years trying to obtain in the Air Force.

I'm quickly learning that the military was some sort of sick, mind warp that I served in. I'm a 34 yr old woman, for crying out loud, and I feel very much a child in my new office. I wait for instruction, and I ask permission for silly things and I "label" myself based on my title... like I'm the bottom of the totem pole because I'm ONLY responsible for pushing papers... when my purpose within that company is just as important as the guys who train the drivers.

I don't know how to explain it. All I know, is that when I left work on Friday, my heart almost exploded. My new boss had brought me flowers, and chocolates, and a card for Valentine's and when he walked in and put them on my desk, I did a triple-take. Why did this man do this for me? I'm JUST the secretary. I know... I know that I will be so much more as time goes on... but it's how I feel - it's that mentality that was so engraved into my head over my time in the military... I'm in the midst of finding who I am, again.

But I LOVE this. I LOVE being treated like I'm 34. I LOVE being recognized for having children and not being punished for having to care for them when they need it. I LOVE this freedom... and best of all - I love not having to regret leaving the security of a warped company that treats some of it's members like absolute shit. Namely, me.