Closure

When I said goodbye to her on May 27th, I knew for sure I'd talk to her on the phone when she got back from her vacation. She'd tell me all about Colorado and the Mine Train, and the beautiful mountains... and how she packed EVERY day full of excitement, as though it would be her last. I knew that she was living out her final days... and I loved that she was doing it in this fashion - planning awesome vacations, beautiful sight-seeing trips, etc. But when I received word that she'd fallen drastically ill just a few days into her vacation... what I knew before didn't exist anymore. I would never talk to her again.

She was violently ripped away from me. She pleaded with her friends to not let me come home to be with her. My aunt was a BEAUTIFUL woman. She had long blonde hair, and a beautiful smile - but the cancer broke everything on the outside. The only thing it couldn't touch was her spirit. Still, I couldn't be with her - because she didn't want me to be. So I honored her wishes, painfully, and stayed in Germany.

I couldn't talk to her on the phone. She was "very sick" is all they could tell me. I couldn't say goodbye. I couldn't say I love you. I could only have faith that she knew how I felt... because we'd said it so many times before, already.

I wrote her a letter. I sent it to her best friend and asked her to read it to her, but she never heard those words. In my heart I felt like she died not knowing just how much I loved her... just how much she meant to me. People, her friends, others THINK they know how much she meant to me, but they have no idea... no one knows but me.

I was left with my mouth hanging open... thinking of conversations that would never take place. Yearning for final words... a letter I hadn't read, an email that wasn't opened... SOMETHING new from her that I'd never get. I needed closure. Christmas is full of blessings....

Her friend sent a package for Christmas. Among a few books, some soap, and cute little cupcake thingies for the girls, was a separate wrapped package for Victoria. A card that was with it mentioned that my aunt had left this behind to be sent to her namesake. I carefully opened it up, and inside was a gift (picture below.) But what I loved the most, was the pink post-it note with Vicki's handwriting on it. "For new Victoria." It was her handwriting... new words, from her. My closure.

Beautiful, black leather with Indian beadwork... it could only be something from Vicki (especially for her namesake.)

The End...