Breathing

It wasn't long ago that I was lost. I was a new mother all over again, and I couldn't figure out how in the world to make three children mesh together equally. They all needed me, in their own little way - one more than the other... and ALL at the same time. I was (and still am) grieving over the loss of the person that I was closest to. I have cats that I love dearly that I just couldn't find time for! I had to be a wife somewhere in all of this as well. I seriously just could not see through the storm... I was drowning - and to top EVERYTHING else off, I'd be going back to work. How in the world was I going to fit 8-9 hours of work into an already overwhelming day?

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to say that I'm going to be OK!

There is calm in the storm...

I started back to work full time on 3 January 2011. On the 4th, I messaged a friend (and doctor) about possibly seeing a psychologist to help me sort through my many emotions. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm SERIOUSLY stubborn and I was convinced I didn't need any stinkin' doctors to help me figure out my head. (well I'm still stubborn, and I never saw the stinkin' doc... but it was knowing that they were there if I needed them that kind of helped out!)

I told myself that I'd give it two weeks (from the 4th) before I made the call and went to therapy. In the meantime, I've been focusing on going to work on time, and coming home on time - trying to weave that pattern into taking care of three beautiful girls. 5 days of going to work and coming home... waking early, putting girls to bed... I've started a rhythmic pattern that was absolutely necessary to soothing my mind. One more hurdle to go - adding gym into my schedule. I know that once I do stop making excuses and start the habit of going and eating better and working and coming home and loving my girls and being a wife, and cuddling my two cats - I'll be an unstoppable force that cannot be reckoned with!

My tears are fewer and farther between. My grieving is far from over, but I think receiving the stocking for Christmas from her really did help. I haven't cried since I wrote the last blog - and usually it was an everyday occurrence!

Anyway... hopefully more blogs will be coming as I settle back into life and the habit of breathing doesn't seem so much like a struggle anymore. I just wanted to get it out on "paper" that I'm going to be OK! :)