A Time for Rediscovery

In January of 2006, I deployed to Diego Garcia. Our island adventure quickly took a turn for the dramatic worst, and I found myself needing distance from the group that seemed to constantly stew in their own demise. One night, I grabbed my ipod and donned some running shoes and I hit the pavement. That was the start of a beautiful habit that continued for the duration of my deployment. I came home 30 lbs lighter, and damn - I was sexy!

Throw in marriage, two more children, life tragedies, and you've got me (plus about 50 lbs.) I'm not proud of who I am, physically... but it's become a comfortable habit that I just deal with. Buy a bigger shirt... go places that don't require dressing up. Eat whatever I feel like because food comforts the bad mood! I CELEBRATED for probably far too long, the fact that I'd never have to take another PT test for the AF when I got out :D

I won't go into detail about the awakening I've had recently. It's personal, and it's embarrassing, and all you need to know is that it happened... and good things are happening because of it! I realized that I'm ONLY 35 (instead of already 35.) I realized that my hair is blonde, not gray yet. I realized that I'm not 100s of lbs away from an obtainable goal... I can get where I want to be if I just try! I started taking a multivitamin... an iron supplement... and an herbal supplement to help with the old woman issues. After a month of being on these, I could feel a slight difference for the better. Then... I decided it was time to give up soda. Ashamed - I'll confess that I was drinking A LOT. It was nothing to go by McD's for breakfast and grab a McMuffin and a large coke for breakfast. Then I'd go through another drive-thru for lunch. It was easy! However, I gave up soda, and I found that I started feeling a LOT better. I wasn't tired by mid-afternoon. I wasn't craving crap from a drive-thru.

I started eating lighter breakfasts. I started finding alternatives to drive-thrus for lunch. (OK, I do allow myself a chik-fil-a cheat day.) I refuse to give up everything good in life. I also found that I was waking up between 0500 and 0530 every morning for no reason. I had an hour of free time before I had to get ready, and laying in my bed wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I'd been telling myself for ages that I loved running... missed it... would start soon. So? I did.

Monday morning, I set my alarm for 0530... got up, put on my clothes and my running shoes and said "Self... let's do this." I walked outside and there was a long lost, familiar scent in the morning air and it woke me up from the inside. This was my element. My kids were sleeping, they didn't need me... Husband was working, he didn't need me... It was me, and my faithful, furry companion and we ran. It's slow, and it's stop and go because I'm beginning again.... but I have finally, FINALLY reached a point in my life where I'm not struggling... not recovering from an emotional tragedy... not trying to reach another finish line... I'm finally at a place where I can focus on myself a little, so that's exactly what I plan to do. It's not a new year's resolution. It's my life. I'm tired of being THIS me. I'm ready to be that one again :)