It's quiet in my house. It's raining outside, and I'm listening to some darn good music. (so I guess it's not quiet, right?) Let me rephrase... Victoria is SLEEPING. The Civil Wars is blasting in my ears... Poison and Wine. Thank you, Shalayne!
I feel... something. Not anger or sadness, nor happiness, nor... it's just SOMETHING. Nostalgic? a bit of everything?
The rain has me missing Germany. Not SAD for it. a bit homesick. I can't even begin to tell you how I really soaked up every INCH of that place. I took so many long, beautiful drives through the countryside and just wanted to jump out of the car and park myself in the forest and just "be." Like a time lapse video, just soaking up the sun from rise to set. Shooting stars all around, the rotation of the Earth... hawks flying overhead, the grass turning from green to yellow and back to green. I took it all in. I smelled the dew and I tasted the snow and I hiked under the falling leaves and I cried SO HARD when I had to leave. My teeth clinched involuntarily and my sides hurt and I cried so hard! That was my first home as a married woman. That was where I brought 2 more babies into the world. My family is in Europe. My family was 5 hours away, by car.
I'm a bit angry too... for Nico. He's been working his ass off and trying so hard to prove that he's worth more than he makes. He jumped into this company he works for, with both feet - not wanting to let down the family friend who brought him in. He designed this elaborate database to help organize things, and tried to show the owners how they could drastically improve in every aspect of operation. They didn't care to listen. He's gone above and beyond to not only do HIS job, but end up doing the jobs of others because they just don't work like he does. 2 different supervisors have gone to the owners about getting him a pay raise and each time they're told "yes, we'll see what we can do." But today marks another payday where there is no change. It's beyond ridiculous. Especially when you hear the "behind the scenes" of the people who work alongside him that make more than he does... and do way less.
I'm happy! Stevie brought home her first progress report and it was all high A's and one high B. (science.) She's able to finish her homework during school, so all she has to do at home as spend 20-30 minutes practicing her instrument for band and do her chores and the rest of the day is hers!
Victoria has kicked potty training in the butt! We went yesterday to her old daycare and donated the rest of her diapers and pullups to other kids who could use them.
Ava started kindergarten and has changed completely. When she smiles, she has "big girl" teeth shining through. When she talks, she has the personality and attitude reflecting from the different friends she hangs out with in the afternoons. She's my athlete... first t-ball and now soccer. If we pass a playing field and she sees others, her eyes light up with curiosity as if she's wondering "I wonder if I can do that someday!?"
I went walking in the rain yesterday. I took Ledger, like usual. I wore my Crocs on purpose... Every puddle we came to, I let myself revert back to my childhood and I splashed as hard as I could! My life slowed down a bit each time! I'd splash, and Ledger would twist and flip and open his mouth wide, trying to catch all the water that would jump from the puddles! When we'd keep walking, he'd reach up and take my hand in his mouth... I wonder if that's his "thank you" for the fun he was having :)
At the end of long days, when we're turning in for bed... the best feeling ever is being greeted by my aunt's cat - waiting on my side of the bed for her end-of-day ear scratch. I walk in the room and she meows with excitement. I climb under the covers and she curls up beside me, one leg hanging off the bed, and falls asleep with my hand under her head. I smile to myself as I remember ALL the cats that belonged to her over time, and how I always tried hard to befriend them and they were always "her" cats and they hated everyone else... I finally won one over!
I'm done rambling.
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