Starting Over...

It's been on my mind for a long time... change. Not a change of clothes... not a change of scenery... I'm talking about my entire life. The last twelve years, I've spent trudging through mental mud. I can say I've been moderately happy, definitely beyond blessed with experiences... but in my heart, I feel there is so much more in this life than what I'm getting or have gotten in the last couple of years.

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” –Jim Rohn


I came home one day, a couple of months ago, and I told my husband "We need to focus on a Plan B, because this Air Force thing is NOT cutting it for me anymore." I was having a REALLY bad week. I'd failed another PT test. I'd been asked my leadership to try, and try again, and try harder on all kinds of tasks. Each challenge I rose to, I surpassed my personal expectations - yet I was constantly left without a single word of thanks. If only leadership knew how far a simple "thank you" would carry their subordinates. I could care less about the quarterly or annual awards that they sweat over, I just wanted a thank you. However, it was always "Oh, you're done with that already? Well here - do this now." Gee, thanks.

Overwhelmed with tasks and overlooked when I asked for help with other things, I quickly became discouraged. The forces have been working against me for 2.5 years at least. I was burning out. It wasn't until leadership fired me recently, as a supervisor, that I was officially done with the military. I won't get into specifics, but the move was extremely uncalled for. There were 1,000 better ways to handle all sides of the situation, but the fact that I was the one who suffered the brunt of the impact - well... they lost a 12 year, seasoned Staff Sergeant. I could have done great things for that organization... No really, I could have!

So now the wheels are in motion... my family and I are returning to Texas before the end of 2012. I have a wide mix of emotions... 99% of the time, I'm ELATED! Ecstatic, excited, jumping for joy! I'll get to raise my kids in West Texas. I'll get to drive around and look at Christmas lights. I'll get to go to Wal Mart and Target! I'm coming back to civilization! I'll have FRIENDS!

As I was rocking Victoria to sleep earlier, I stroked her hair and kissed her gently on the forehead and thought "I'll never have to leave you to spend time in Iraq or Afghanistan again." I'll never have to leave them for a 2 or 3 week TDY, or a 6 week training class. I'll get to tuck them in. I won't have to miss first or last days of school anymore. I get to be a mom, all the time!

I've been so brainwashed into thinking that the military was the best paycheck I could find. Words like "job security" and "best benefits ever" were constantly scratched into the back of my brain. How would I EVER live on the outside? Then you read statistics like "only 1% of the population serve in the military..." Hmm... then how do the rest survive? I WILL BE JUST FINE!

So please keep us in your prayers as we embark on this new journey. We have many hurdles to leap over, but with the help of friends and family and GOD, we will make it through to this other side. I cannot wait to be free.