The Great Unknown

I laid Victoria down for a nap this morning. Nothing was making her happy, so I figured her 0645 inner clock was a bit early and she needed a couple more hours! She protested for a bit, so I tiptoed in and told her "roll over, Mommy rub your back?" So she rolled over and I covered her with her favorite pink blanket and ran my fingers over her forehead, through her hair and down her back until she finally succumbed to sleep. 

The house was silent, then. Nico was gone to Frankfurt for his medical exam - one of the many requirements to getting his visa to live in the US. Stevie and Ava were off to school. I smiled, inwardly, at the accomplishment of soothing my sweet baby to rest. I stayed there with her on her bottom bunk and took in the moment. I looked around the room she shares with Ava, looking at all of the things they've received throughout their lives. Clothes... wall stickers... toys... oh the many toys! I went on to think of the things that are not material. I thought of the comfort they feel when they go to sleep at night, comparing theirs to what mine felt like as a child in my parents' house. I tried to imagine being them, my face on their cool pillowcases at the end of a long, play-filled day, covers pulled up to my chin as the room goes dark. 

Nostalgia set in. Not for me, but for them. Soon, we'll be leaving this house that we've made a home over the last 6 years. I can adapt to change, but I'm scared for them... there are so many great unknowns - where will they sleep? What will they eat? Where will they play? Will Stevie like her new school? Will they have friends? Lord, I pray that I can keep their lives as simple and predictable as possible, it's so important to me that they not suffer in this decision to change our lives! I don't like this uncomfortable feeling of just not knowing... 

I took a deep breath and held back the tears... Strength is what I pray for, too. Maybe a bit of confidence as well. And finally, a thank you. The first major move in my life happened when Stevie was 3.5 years old. We left Shreveport, just she and I, and moved to Europe to start this great adventure. Now, we're moving back home - but this time God blessed me with a wonderful partner to explore life with... I'm so glad Nico's here and we're doing this together! (I love you, baby!)