I've accepted her death. It was inevitable... cancer was eating her face. She was a very proud woman - a beautiful woman! I'm so angry that she had to die in such a horrible way. . . Of all the times she's hung upside down on a horse, or stood on top of one that was running at top speed - and she died of cancer?! Just doesn't seem fair.
I was at peace with my decision to sell her home. My home. The place where my childhood memories are locked away. The greatest place on Earth. It recently went on the market, and within 2 days we had 5 offers on the place. What's not to love? The best house in the world sitting in the best spot in the world... owned by the greatest person - in. the. world. With the knowledge that this place will soon be gone forever, I packed up the girls, and my friend Monica, and we drove down to Wimberley to gather a few things and find me some closure.
I tried hard not to think about it for the most part. I'm a very private person when it comes to emotion and the last thing I wanted was for anyone to see the ugly cry. As we got closer to Wimberley, the familiar roads came into view and the past came rushing in. The valleys, the winding roads, the hillside mansions... the crystal, clear water. I met Vicki's friends Cheri and Mickey for lunch. I drove with them out to Vicki's. Cheri was in front of us, and Mickey was behind - and for a brief moment it felt like a funeral procession... I was surrounded in the best support! As I pulled up to Thompson Ranch Road and saw the sign and turned right, my hand came up to my mouth involuntarily and I just had to hold my breath. If life had a remote - I would have hit fast forward at that point. I took a deep breath and dove into telling happy stories to Monica so that I wouldn't lose it.
As we rounded the last curve before the straight stretch of road that leads to her gate, my heart sank again... up on the hill, her gate came into view. The gate that I'd longed for all those years, as a child. The tears fell. We pulled into the driveway and up to the house and everything was just... empty. . . I got out and encouraged the children to go with everyone else to play in the yard, and asked for a bit of time alone in the house.
I walked in and practically ran to the guest room - the only place where no one could see me sobbing. I grabbed my sides and cried so hard as I stood in that empty room. I stared out at the empty living room and at the stone fireplace and kept saying "I'm so sorry" over and over again... I'm sorry she's gone... I'm sorry that we're losing this house... I'm sorry that the animals died... I'm sorry that there will be no more memories made with her... that my children will never know her like I did... I'm so sorry...
I walked slowly, room to room and took in all that I could. Photographs with the mind of every inch, ever wall, every door, every window. I opened and closed the doors to try to memorize the familiar squeak in the hinges. I opened cabinets and snooped in places I'd always wanted to but never could. I crawled in the attic. I went to the barn. I stood on the porch and stared out at the silence. When everyone was done running through the house and picking through the last of her things - I sent them out again... it was just me and Baby Blue Eyes (her cat) left in the house. I walked back to the guest room and cried some more, and then I took my last picture.
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| This is the end... |
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