Life Is Not Flat

On road trips, my husband often drives. When we've run out of conversation, I quickly find myself lost deep inside my head while staring out at the German countryside. I think of many things... where I've been in life, geographically and emotionally. I think about the things I have now... the births, the deaths... how final things are, and how unpredictable and fragile things can be.

Yesterday, we were driving home from Cologne. Thank goodness for technology. I plugged in my iPod and lost myself to slow melodies. One of my recent favorites is Overcome by Live. (it's playing as I write this.)

Passing open fields, I looked off as far as the eye could see and took in the visions of forests on the horizon. I thought to myself - how beautiful is this place?! Thank you, God.... thank you for these blessings. Then my heart ached a bit... what wouldn't I give to share it all with my father, my aunt even... two of the most important people who are gone from my life. Then... more shocking reality. They're really gone.

It's funny - my father died 16 years ago (next month) and my aunt has been gone for 2 years this summer... and I'm just now realizing that they are REALLY gone. Did I think they were just "over there?" That if I overcame weaknesses that I could climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean, or walk as far as it took and I'd be with them again?! I did... and then I took a deep breath and let reality overtake me as I stared again as far as I could see and understood that no matter what.... They're not here.

There are horses in pastures, and hawks on fenceposts and every now and then they catch my eye and I think of my dad and my aunt and I am reminded that life is not flat. They come back to me.... and I will see them again - I know this. Not the way I would hope or expect to as a human on this Earth... but someday I will see them again.