15 years ago today, we laid my father to rest. Feels like I remember so little of that day. Can't recall who all I hugged or shook hands with - was all a blur. I wanted to fast forward 10 years and just forget all the pain and heartache. I was so angry with God for taking away my Superman!
How far I've come in 15 years... Can you believe at one time, I slept in my car in a grocery store parking lot because I was lost - and had too much pride to find home... I got involved with drugs, and drinking and was sliding down a slippery slope towards "the end." One day, I received a letter from my aunt (dad's sister) that would change my life forever. It was a plea - a suggestion for me to join the military. It took a couple of years after to actually sign on the dotted line, but I did it!
How much my father has missed... (or rather, how much I've done without him.) :( I graduated high school without him. Walked down that aisle without him. Gave birth to three beautiful daughters who will never meet him. I've got a husband that he'd absolutely LOVE! I saw Vegas without him. Travelled the world without him. . . I'm not an idiot - I know he was with me in spirit, in my heart, looking down on me... all those things. But I'm a selfish human - and I'd have rather had him here in person. To hug me, tell me how proud he was of me, etc.
For 14 years, I had his sister to guide me down the right paths. If you've followed my blog, you'll know that I lost her too almost 1 year ago. Now they're up there together, looking down and sharing in all of my successes with me. I'm still selfish though - I'd still rather have them here!
With them gone, I'm learning to embrace what I have now. My husband and my three beautiful girls... our home, my foundation... the world - my back yard.
I miss you Dad (and Vicki!) If I've learned anything from your 15 year absence, it's that time does heal those wounds... I got through the past two years anniversaries without a tear. I solemnly remember days like today, and your birthday, and I think of the wonderful times as well... sharing meteor showers, country drives, counting deer, dove hunting, and those long sunset talks with you. Thank you for ALWAYS being that listening ear. I love you.
Jennifer, I still remember the last days with your dad so clearly! Any parts store smell will forever remind me of him and his kind smile. You know he is so proud of you and your accomplishments and watching your every move! You are a total rockstar in what you have done and I love keeping up with you and your family through this.
ReplyDelete