Jen's Journal: Birth Stories Part II

Ava Ryan Durgeat. A name that was thought of long before I ever married Nicolas.

Nicolas and I met online in 1998. We chatted nonstop for a while, and then I joined the military in 2000 and lost contact with my online world. It wasn't until 2002 when I'd moved into my apartment in Shreveport and had a baby Stevie that I finally reconnected with the friends that I'd chatted with so long ago. I'd remembered his yahoo screen name, and by chance, sent him a message to see if he'd remembered me. He did!

March of 2005 was when Nicolas and I really began communicating. I was tired of failed relationships. So many single, military guys my age were just in it for that one thing. Too many days I dreamed of having a ring on my finger so that people would stop seeing me as "that single mom." I wanted a daddy for Stevie. I wanted a best friend, and husband to share my life with. In fact, that was the hardest part about being a single parent - not having anyone to share those awesome firsts with... I was SOOO proud of who I'd become and all that Stevie and I had accomplished together, but there was no one there to see that!

October, 2005. I met Nicolas for the first time in person. He flew from Paris, France and spent 2 weeks with me. I remember all too well the feeling I had when he left. One of sheer panic, and heartbreak. We'd had such a wonderful time together, and now all I could do was lay on the floor and run my hands over the carpet where his suitcase had left marks. I desperately needed him in my life. I'm assuming the feeling was mutual, because he flew back for Christmas and stayed another two weeks :) And then... he came back in May when I returned from my second deployment to Diego Garcia and stayed 2 more weeks! And then... he met me on my doorstep in Germany when I got there in August 2006. And then, we kissed after exchanging vows and rings on December 29, 2006. And then I got news that I would be going to Iraq.

I'd never been on a combat deployment before. I was now, suddenly, TERRIFIED! I know I shouldn't have been... I'd seen all my other friends go and come back from Balad. I could DO this... Couldn't I? I don't know. I was in a panic! I remember reaching out to my aunt and asking for her opinion. I've always been one to follow my instincts, and something deep inside just told me that I wasn't ready. I'm not ashamed to admit that this is when I decided to add Ava to our family. If I was pregnant, they couldn't send me to Iraq! So Nicolas and I discussed it, and we tried, and we succeeded.

Many, many emotions overwhelmed me during my pregnancy with Ava. I was very concerned with how Stevie would handle the new addition. I remember telling her one morning that "God put a baby in my tummy last night!" (This, after we found out that I was for sure pregnant.) She seemed excited. I was nervous that she'd feel left out, because she carries my maiden name, while the rest of us carry the last name Durgeat. I'm happy to say that this was never an issue after Ava arrived. It was only an issue after I first got married. She's since decided to keep her last name because she loves it (and so do I!)

As an only child, I was nervous that I wouldn't love Ava as much as I loved Stevie. I didn't know how I'd possibly have enough love for TWO kids. I didn't feel as connected to Ava in the womb as I did with Stevie. I couldn't see myself bonding with her as I did with Stevie after she was born. All in all, I just didn't know what to expect - and that's so unlike me. I'm one who loves to daydream and then make those dreams come true!

I don't know when it exactly it happened, but I do remember staring at a beautiful pink sunset outside my bedroom window and a complete feeling of calm overcame me. I think God was telling me that everything would be ok, and that He'd handle the amount of love I'd need to raise TWO. hehehe... He was right!

The pregnancy was uneventful. No morning sickness, no complications. I was due on November 12th, and was totally hoping she'd come 3 days early (on my birthday!) Little did I know that she would come early... SO early that she was an October baby instead. The little brat :P

I've got a severe case of OCD... And for some reason, I couldn't get my floors clean enough at the time. On October 27th, 2007, we all went shopping and I ran across a vacuum cleaner that looked kinda cool! So we bought it, brought it home, and I did the ENTIRE house! (well, 2 bedroom apartment...) but still, there was a lot of dirt and cat hair to suck up. We had a dinner date at my boss's house that night because we wanted to introduce Stevie to them. They'd volunteered to keep her when I went to the hospital... Getting ready to head to their house, I went to pee and - voila! My water broke. We headed to my boss's house, dropped off the kid, and off to the hospital we went!

9 hours of labor from start to finish. We dubbed Ava the "Crotch Rocket" because I might have pushed 5 times before she flew out. She came so quickly that my epidural didn't work... the nurse almost dropped her cause she was so slippery... My husband had to hold a leg up because no one had time to fix any stirrups. The doctor didn't make it until it was time to give me my one stitch for tearing. See how quick and jumbled this birth story is?? That's how it really happened! QUICKLY, and jumbled hehe...

She has added an overwhelming amount of love to this family. She's got so much personality packed into her 3 yr old self, it's amazing. She's beautiful - taking after her daddy and his side of the family. She's a handful... recently becoming the middle child of our family. She's struggling to find her place again, but her severe love of life and making us laugh every day makes it possible for her to do this with grace. She loves her sisters so much, trying hard to be a reflection of Stevie while working diligently to be the best mommy to Victoria that she knows how to be. We love our little Ava Ryan.