I Have Overcome...

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my mother from Iraq, on facebook (of all places.) We'd been talking for quite a while, and I realized that at 4am, I should be getting to bed. As conversation drew to a close, I was about to say goodnight, but instead... without hesitation, I said "Hey mom?" She said "Yeah?" I said "I'm sorry for everything..."
For more years than necessary, I've carried around a lot of anger, and I've pointed the finger at my mother, and I've claimed myself the victim so many times... I never stopped to think how the death of my father affected her life... how losing EVERYTHING changed her and made her who she was. This blog would last for hours if I could list out all of our faults, and all the things that we shouldn't have done that we did. But I don't need to. For in 4 simple words, I let it all go.
After our conversation ended, I went back to my room with this HUGE weight lifted. I laid down in my bed, and I felt this overwhelming need to cry. I'd never let myself cry over my mother before. I always told myself I was too good and she didn't deserve my tears. But that night, or early morning rather, I let myself cry. A huge release. I spoke to God in those early hours and apologized endlessly for being selfish and angry. I'd cried myself to sleep.
There will always be things about my mother that I'll roll my eyes out. I'll cringe with frustration when she does or says things that have always driven me up the wall. But mothers are supposed to be like that right? Daughters too, no? But I can't let myself be angry about the past anymore. I owe it to the lives we have left to make the best of things, and to embrace and support the relationship we have left. My mother will ALWAYS be my mother...