Sweet 16

I can remember specifically, a time when you were playing with a 3.5 yr old Stevie outside Shawn and Rachael's house in Shreveport and I was silently panicking inside because what if I submitted my independence to you?... what if I allowed you to love me?... What if Stevie, this little girl that you clearly loved so much, became a part of your life and somewhere down the line I changed my mind and we walked away and it broke your heart?

I can remember 6/26/06. That was the day I almost suffocated at work. I sat at my computer and thought back to those lines on the carpet that your suitcase had left after the first time you went back to Paris... and in split second flashes all those memories we made in such a short time and how much my soul devoured you...and how much I still yearned for you... and I felt like I was losing you before I ever even had you. I gasped for air as my fingers clutched my desk and I couldn't get home fast enough to ask you to make the decision "all or nothing?" I remember you said that you couldn't let it turn to nothing so "oui, I'll jump."

I can remember the exhaustion I felt after getting to our hotel room in Germany in August of 06. The LONG flight... the fear and uncertainty of the unknown. The safety of a warm room and a locked door and sleep on the horizon... and as exhausted as I was, I opened the door and saw you there and my whole world was instantly better. 

I looked forward to every weekend until we were married. Every Saturday hike... every Sunday castle. Every moment, spent with you.

I remember our wedding day. Cold, and foggy... but oh how proud I was to have your mom and sisters insist on being there, no matter the time or the day. How nervous I was at the "official" nature of the ceremony... whispering "I do" because if I said it any louder the vibrations in my throat would certainly release the lump and the tears would flow. 

I remember with great detail every pregnancy.... every childbirth... every house we've lived in. Every pet we've owned. Every job we've had. Almost as if 16 years was just a breath, and here we are again. And while our marriage hasn't been sunshine and rainbows EVERY day.... the storms have never been enough to block out the sun for very long.

I can say, without a doubt, that I'm one of the lucky few. I found my soulmate in you. I love you! Happy Anniversary!