Hiraeth

Tonight, I took a drive with my daughter. It’s not the first time we’ve taken a drive together… but it’s the first time I felt “it.” We recently discovered the most amazing spot to watch the sun set. Last weekend, we went to this spot but it wasn’t a spectacular sunset because there were no clouds in the sky. So we sat there, in silence, watching that fiery ball disappear behind the hills far off in the distance. The wind blew through the open windows of the car and I felt a bit of a lump in my throat because we were experiencing an end together. We stayed there and watched until the last sliver of the sun was gone. We stayed until the clouds turned from orange, to yellow, to gray… and then we came home.

Tonight, though… tonight there were clouds in the sky. We gobbled half our dinner and rushed to the car and raced to the spot so we wouldn’t be late watching the sun turn the clouds those fiery pink colors that we so enjoy… We opened up YouTube and we looked for music to set the mood and we rode in silence with only the music playing between us. I looked over and I watched her as she watched the trees pass and she looked out at the sky and in that moment, I was happy.

We got to the spot just as the sun hit the tops of the hills. Rain was falling far in the distance and a blurry rainbow appeared. We sat in silence, still… the wind rushing through our open windows again  on the top of the world and we simply… were.

When the sun had set, I asked my daughter if she wanted to go home, or if she wanted to take the long way. She left the decision to me, so I chose the long way. Normally, she’s one to want the windows up because the wind blows her hair all over the place. Tonight, I smiled from the inside as she rolled her window all the way down and took her hair out of her ponytail and let the wind destroy it. Mostly, I just watched her…. And I remembered.

I remembered being her age… I remembered sitting in the passenger seat as my father took me on sunset drives. I remembered the windows down and my hair blowing all around my face. I remembered the vivid, dying daylight colors and the deer on the side of country roads and the cooling temperatures as day faded into night…. And I prayed… I prayed that my daughter was committing to memory these small, but large memories that brand the heart, so that someday, when I’m gone…. she will have these moments of hiraeth that will feed her soul.