Silence...

Mountains of laundry sat on my bed today, needing to be sorted and put away. 8 days of vacation will do that to our closets! Stevie was outside enjoying her last day of summer freedom, Ava was whining about anything and everything from the living room, and Victoria was crabby in her walker, blocked from getting near me and running over my toes. I needed someone to call to get me through my chore...I really needed my Aunt Vicki. I thought of how awesome it was to call her on Sundays and the laundry would disappear during conversation! Instinctively, I went to get the phone and tried to call another friend instead, but got no answer. And then, I was angry... my patience left, and I wanted to be anywhere but in the house putting away all the clothes. I was sick of listening to the kids complain. I'd have given anything for 2 extra hours, to drive out to the Himmerod and sit in silence among high stone ceilings and the rays of light shining in. 

I don't know how to explain this deafening silence I'm living in. I talk to my husband, but it's not the same... My aunt listened like no other... she encouraged and gave advice like NO OTHER. . . I've called my mother, but she doesn't hear me the way Vicki heard me. Nothing is the same. It's like everyone nods and smiles, but doesn't truly understand me the way she did.

Fucking cancer...